this episode of the Club Soda podcast, we talk to Jo Huey. She is a daughter of an alcoholic father, and through sharing her story she has discovered that there is a need to not only create the advice that people are looking for – how to talk to a friend or loved one about alcohol – but also that those whose lives have been affected by an alcoholic parent need support too. A space to share and confide. She has a great podcast and blog.
We spoke to her about how to raise the subject, talk to a loved one about drinking, and support them through change. The below is an edited transcript from out podcast episode with Jo.
HOW DID YOU START SUPPORTING FAMILY MEMBERS AFFECTED BY ALCOHOL?
My dad was the alcoholic in my life growing up. I didn’t get too involved in alcohol misuse until about four and a half years ago when I had a conversation with a friend and she said, ‘you know, you’ve got a story to tell, you should tell it’.
I was very passionate at that time about alcohol misuse and recognising the impact that it had had on the family. There are plenty of people like me who have lived with a parent’s drinking, and are starting to recognise that they’ve got some issues in their adult life now. Problems can arise with relationships, low self-esteem, PTSD, all sorts of things. More recently for me was a journey with my sister, who is about four years into her recovery.
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW IF A FAMILY MEMBER OR FRIEND NEEDED HELP WITH THEIR DRINKING?
I think that family members, friends, and colleagues can start to notice the impact that a person’s drinking is having on their life and the lives of those around them. They say up to about five or six people are usually affected by someone’s alcohol use.
Maybe it’s impacting their health in some way, sleep is a common issue. Perhaps it’s their ability to communicate, whether at work, with family, or with their partner. They may be less dependable or have become more withdrawn. Are they acting in a way that they wouldn’t usually? Some people can hide it very well. So for family members and friends, it can be hard to decipher. But if you pay attention and start to think back to how they used to be, you will be able to see the changes. There is always an impact.
If you pay attention and start to think back to how they used to be, you will be able to see the changes. There is always an impact.
HOW DID YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER ABOUT HER DRINKING?
I was a lot older when her drinking happened. So I was more educated and much more self aware, I was better able to talk to a loved one about their drinking, to know what would and wouldn’t work.
Since she’s been in recovery, we’ve talked extensively about her drinking and the similarities between her and my dad’s drinking. Until then we hadn’t recognised how growing up with dad’s drinking had affected us. Her drinking was a very difficult time for me. It triggered a lot of things about dads drinking and what I’d been through with him. It wasn’t until we started doing the training and sharing our stories that we actually saw how she interpreted ‘that’ completely differently to me, and I interpreted ‘this’ completely differently to her. It brought us closer together.
It’s about taking a compassionate, nonjudgmental approach.
“I’ve noticed that maybe you aren’t sleeping as well as you used to”” you’re not doing the things that you used to enjoy.”
https://joinclubsoda.com/how-talk-loved-one-drinking/